I would like to share something with you…

I came across this short YouTube clip in a group ZOOM session exploring the concept of identity and how our identity is shaped, and it had such a powerful impact on me.

The labels we carry are things that other people have given us, that we have chosen to attach to ourselves and to our sense of identity and self-worth. All it takes is one positive for us to shed the weight of other people’s words.

The label that I’ve been wrestling with since watching this clip is, “inconsequential.” Lately, I’ve experienced a series of events that have made me feel small, irrelevant and like nobody cares. I was robbed while I was at home, by two teenagers who had no regard for the impact their actions had on me. The owner of my rental has sold the property – with no regard for the impact that their decision would have on me. These are just two examples from an entire list of evidence compiled by my brain to prove just how inconsequential I am.

The thing is…

If we can find evidence to prove those harsh, unforgiving labels are true, then we can also find evidence to refute and to work against them. It’s much harder, but that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. Our brains are wired to pay more attention to the bad things that happen, or the moments of negativity in our days. We have what’s called a negativity bias, and this originates from a time long ago where we had to pay more attention to threats, danger and the bad things in our lives because it was a matter of survival. Now, we don’t need to be on a constant look out for things that threaten our lives, not as much as our ancestors any way. But, this doesn’t stop our negativity bias from having an impact on our lives, on our relationships, on our careers and on the way we see ourselves and the way we think others see us.

To bring it back to the labels we attach to ourselves, we are more likely to focus on the negative, to attach to the negative and our brains are more likely to see and to accept evidence of their truth. However, with work, and effort, we can re-frame those labels and can find evidence to the contrary to support it.

I am working on re-framing the label, “inconsequential.” It’s a slow process, and it’s still ongoing. But so far, I’ve journalled the things that make me feel inconsequential, and then countered them with experiences that prove otherwise. My lawn bowls captain asked me to stay in his team, because he wanted to build consistency and he believes in me. He made me feel wanted. I picked up my niece from day care, and got to spend a whole afternoon at her beck and call. She made me feel loved, valued and important. My students at school are making huge gains in their reading data, which makes me feel so so proud of them, and of myself because I am having an impact. My dog Luna, showers me with love, dog breath kisses and layers of dog fur every day. I am her world. I am not inconsequential. I matter. To the people who know me and care for me – I matter. I have to remind myself almost daily, which is where the work comes in. I choose to challenge it, because I see the impact it has on me. I choose to shed it, because I feel the weight holding me down.

When you watch the clip above, I challenge you to take a closer look at the labels you carry, and pick one. Choose one that you want to challenge and work at it, step by step.