I haven’t written anything for a while.

There have been certain shifts, experiences and things happening in my life that make writing and sharing feel like an incredibly vulnerable process. I haven’t found the words that allow me to push past that wall of vulnerability.

But, there was something yesterday, a ferocious spark of disbelief and longing that kindled within and motivated me to share, to reach out. For context, last Wednesday night as I was sitting in my lounge room watching television, two people entered my home through the back door. My dog reacted and chased them out with a flurry of claws and barks that I hadn’t heard her make before. They were in the house not even a minute, only long enough to steal my house and car keys from the kitchen bench. The police came, my parents and a friend came to sit with me so that I wasn’t alone, we called a locksmith to change the locks in the house, and put in protective measures for the car until the locksmith could return to change the keys and the locks.

Logically, I know that I’m safe. I’ve put in all practical measures but, try telling that to my nervous system. I haven’t been able to sleep a night since without the TV and the lights on; every little noise, especially of a night, makes me jump and I’m stuck in a pattern of constantly checking that the doors are locked and that no one is wandering around outside. I have anxiety, and for an anxious brain, an experience like that can be extra challenging.

The flow on effect of this lack of safety, and dysregulated nervous system is that I’m longing for secure, safe connection. I’ve attempted to find it through talking to counsellors for reassurance that my reaction is in fact okay and “normal” at this point in time, but each time, I’ve found myself disappointed. I feel like everyone’s on a time limit, everyone’s in a rush. We are all running around stuck in the doing part of our lives – going to work, making money, raising a family, going to sporting events, driving somewhere, going to appointments – that we struggle to find opportunities to hold space for other people.

I’m looking for deep connection, deep conversation, someone to sit down and hold space while I share my feelings, my thoughts, my experience and how it’s impacted on me. Someone in person, to connect to, to share with, to feel held by. I wonder if that is something we’re losing amongst our busy, frantic lives? It would be such a shame.

My call to action so to speak, is for everyone who happens by this blog post and takes the time to read through to the end, to make space for someone else. Sit down with a coffee, wrap your hands around the mug, leave your phone in your pocket and let go of all the rush and hurry and really, deeply connect.