One thing that I’ve noticed recently, is that my feelings have the capacity to make other people uncomfortable. I’ve had a variety of experiences around this topic – from friends completely misconstruing and misreading what I’m feeling and experiencing, to them implying that I “should” be over it by now, to completely invalidating what I’m feeling and trying to make me feel guilty about actually having and communicating those feelings.

This is something that sits close to my heart, as a person who experiences anxiety, and has lost family members to declining mental health. I believe in the importance of holding space for others, and for creating a safe space where others can express their feelings without having them invalidated, brushed off or being told to simply build a bridge and get over it. If someone is trying to express their feelings, it costs nothing to simply sit and listen without judgement. If someone is expressing their feelings to you, they don’t need you to do or to say anything, they just need to feel heard and seen and supported. They don’t need you to fix their problems and they certainly don’t need you to imply how they’re feeling is a choice, that you can just choose to be happy.

Toxic positivity irks me. There is nothing wrong with feeling your feelings, in sitting in the quagmire and just letting yourself be and feel. If you’re feeling sad, allow yourself to feel sad. If you’re feeling angry – feel it! Allow it. Glossing over it with false positivity only buries it. You’re trapping it in your body instead of facing the feelings. Let yourself feel and experience them, and listen to what they have to tell you. After all, emotions are the language of the soul. Are you listening to what your soul is telling you?

I came across a quote recently that’s particularly relevant here, “people can only meet you, as deeply as they’ve met themselves.” Meaning, that if people haven’t done the work to find a safe space within themselves to express, understand, sit with and to feel their own emotions, they are going to be uncomfortable with yours. Emotional intelligence – the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and the emotions of others – is a skill and it takes time and effort to strengthen and develop. Just like learning how to ride a bike, some people need training wheels, some people need support, some people are still a little wobbly, some people hit the pavement hard and give up and some people get it straight away and fiercely pedal off into the distance with a new found sense of freedom. Each and every one of us are at different stages of learning.

Sit with your emotions, allow them to rise to the surface and give yourself permission to feel them – hold space for yourself. If you’re expressing your feelings to someone who invalidates them, or tries to gloss over them with a coat of toxic positivity, who tries to make you feel bad for having them or sharing them, then understand, you are talking to someone who can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves. It isn’t because there’s something wrong with you, it’s because they don’t have the capacity, or because your emotions are triggering a reaction within themselves. Let Them. Then choose if this is someone you want to share your beautiful emotions and feelings with in the future. You get to choose who you trust with your heart and with the language of your soul!