How are you all? How are you faring in these interesting energetic times?

Personally, I’ve found that the energy has lightened. I’m not feeling as heavy and I find myself to be in a period of transition. I am still dealing with things from the past that are bubbling up, but I feel as if the energy and focus has shifted and now it’s a time for decision making. Do I continue on the path that I’m on, take an alternative path or backtrack and retrace my steps?

Backtracking doesn’t feel like an option, because I am not the person I was when I started this journey. I have come too far to go backwards. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a time and place for retracing your steps, but for me, this isn’t it. This week I was presented with an alternative path – and I have to admit to feeling and considering that this might actually be a possibility for me, until a little voice in the back of my head reminded me that I need to honour the journey that I am on, give the path that I’m currently walking and the life that I am building here, the chance to become something wonderful.

Following that, two things bubbled up. I hold a little bit of guilt for choosing this path in the first place. I left my family behind in Tasmania and moved myself and my dog to Queensland. I miss them every day, and I am not there to see them grow and learn and to help out when needed. I feel guilty for leaving and for putting myself first. That guilt is interfering with my ability to fully commit to the path that I’m on. If I commit to taking the next steps forward, does that close the path behind me?

I want to briefly touch on the idea of selfishness. Do I believe that putting myself first, and honouring myself and the path that I am on is selfish? Do I believe that nurturing and building new connections is selfish? Do I believe that doing what I need to do for me is selfish? Not at all. Selfish implies intention to hurt – it’s where you set out to do something that you know is going to have an impact on someone else, because of the impact that it will have. If, in putting yourself first and in honouring yourself, you inadvertently hurt someone else…now that’s a different story. Selfishness isn’t the source of my guilt.

The source of my guilt is love! I love my family and I miss them and that’s okay. I can miss them and still walk my own path. Just because I’m not with them in person, doesn’t mean that we’re not connected. In fact, I’ve had the beautiful opportunity to talk to my niece twice over social media this week. And I am so grateful.

The second thing bubbled up was the realisation that I missed the old me, or rather the part of me that’s strong, that has the ability to make decisions for myself based on my values, based on what I need. I didn’t let other people’s opinions about the way it should be, or other people’s expectations or emotions influence the decisions I made. In the past, some of those decisions caused me to lose friendships, some of those decisions hurt, but they were also the right decisions for me at the time. I wasn’t willing to sacrifice myself for a friendship, I wasn’t willing to change myself and contradict my values for the sake of someone else.

I would very much like to connect with that version of me again. She’s still within me and she still emerges from time to time. But I find that at the moment, I allow other people’s feelings to get in the way, or I allow other people’s feelings to have an impact on me and the decisions I make. Maybe the key to that is in the 7 of Wands card I drew this morning?

So, I want to leave you with this…

Don’t doubt your path; make a commitment and nurture it. If other people approach you with their expectations, their opinions, their emotions, their negative energy, you don’t have to accept it. Make sure you’re acting in ways that are true to you, and that align with your vision and values.

It reminds me of Elphaba’s journey in the Wizard of OZ. If you haven’t seen it, I won’t give too much away. She is treated poorly, even by her own father, simply because she is different. She walks her own path, one that aligns with her. She doesn’t try to be someone she’s not, she isn’t influenced by popularity, or the need to fit in and at the end, she makes a stand for herself! She does not cave to the pressures of conforming to the rules of someone else’s game. In the song, Defying Gravity, she sings of being afraid of losing love and acknowledges that love that requires you to change who you are and what you believe in, is much too high a cost.

Walking your path takes courage and determination. You will encounter many things along the way and you will need to work through them, but they too are part of the journey. Trust your path, and trust yourself on the journey. Remind yourself, action that aligns with your needs and values is far from selfish. Remind yourself that sometimes guilt is love in disguise. Remind yourself that other people will try to intervene or bring you down, but their actions are driven by comparison or fear – they either want what you have, or are afraid of being left behind. So ground yourself, protect yourself and continue to move forward on your path in ways that align with you and your values.