Lately, I’ve been feeling increasingly frustrated. I’ve found myself jumping through hoops to please others, twisting myself into knots in order to make other people comfortable and happy and then realising that no matter what I do or what hoops I jump through, it isn’t going to solve the problem. You see? I’ve allowed myself to get caught up in the noise. And, noise is a term I use to describe distraction.

We all live in a world full of distractions. We get up in the morning and turn the television on, we have the radio going in the background, our phone is glued to our hands while we doom scroll through our social media accounts, even our friendships at times can distract us. We drive with the radio on, we fill gaps in conversation with small talk, we spend more time on playing games on our phones, devices and gaming consoles, we throw ourselves into work and we need to be constantly busy. We do this because most of the time it’s uncomfortable sitting in silence with ourselves.

Personally, I find constant noise over-stimulating. I’m a Kindergarten teacher – I’m surrounded by noise. On any given day, I have twenty-two, four and five year olds running around me, in what appears to be some kind of organised chaos, crying, screaming, screeching and playing. I can’t help but absorb some of that chaos. It is often my job to ignore the scream that’s rising in my own chest, or the constant static that’s buzzing in my brain, in order to cater to the needs of the little people in my care. However, this has started to carry over to other aspects and areas of my life as well.

It’s the source of my frustration. I am putting others before myself, and forgetting to fill my own cup. My body is sending me a message – in the form of frustration. It’s telling me to sit with myself, to cut the noise and to make myself a priority. It’s not a ‘me too’ scenario, it’s a ‘me first’ scenario. I need to stop twisting myself in knots for other people, because those knots are blocking the flow of what I need in my life. I need to stop jumping through other people’s hoops, because when I jump it’s to meet other people’s expectations. I’ve learnt that meeting other people’s expectations is an impossible task, because their expectations are their own to carry, and are the product of their experiences and their own internal environment.

It’s a difficult lesson to learn.

For me, this means coming back to myself, to what feels right for me, coming back to my own needs. In order to do this, I have to cut out the noise from the world, from other people, and sit with myself, in my own company. I have to fill my own cup and focus on the things that feel good for me. Other people may hold a hoop in front of you, or invite you to participate in doing things to make them feel more comfortable, but it comes down to putting yourself first, listening to your own inner voice and letting that guide you to do what it is you need to do for yourself first.

I’m letting go of people pleasing, instead, I’m making myself a priority. I’m making a commitment to filling my own cup first. I’m not jumping through any more hoops, I’m not scrambling to meet other people’s expectations, I’m not twisting myself into knots trying to make others happy. I am my first priority.